Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where someone tries to make you question your own reality. While it is often discussed in the context of abusive relationships, it is dangerously common in the workplace.
Gaslighting is subtle. Unlike overt bullying, it creeps up on you. A colleague or manager manipulates the truth to make you doubt your memory, perception, or sanity. In this article, we explore what workplace gaslighting looks like and the steps you must take to regain your confidence.
What is Gaslighting in the Workplace?
In its most extreme form, gaslighting is psychological abuse. The manipulator’s goal is to destabilize the victim. This leads to the victim questioning their competence and becoming increasingly isolated.
If a colleague is manipulating you, you may feel constantly stressed, anxious, or even paranoid. You might find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do or constantly checking your work for errors that aren’t there.
How to spot the signs
Gaslighters operate in the shadows. However, there are clear patterns you can identify:
- Relentless, Unjust Criticism: A manager constantly critiques your work, even when it is faultless. They move the goalposts so you can never succeed.
- Minimizing Success: A colleague tries to invalidate your promotion or praise. They might suggest you only got it because of “luck” or “favouritism” rather than skill.
- Setting You Up to Fail: You are given vague instructions or unreasonable deadlines. When you inevitably struggle, they claim they gave you “clear direction.”
- Subtle Mockery: They seize on innocent comments and twist them. They might use sarcasm to belittle you in front of others, then claim “it was just a joke” if you object.
- The “Crazy” Narrative: They tell others that you are “emotional,” “unstable,” or “difficult,” damaging your reputation behind your back.
What to do if you are being gaslighted
If you suspect gaslighting, you likely feel confused and isolated. However, you must take action to protect your mental health and your career.
1. Verify Your Reality
The gaslighter wants you to doubt yourself. Counter this by verifying facts. If they deny saying something, check your emails. If they claim you made a mistake, double-check the work. Talk to a trusted colleague to see if they witnessed the interaction.
2. Document Everything
Documentation is your best defence. Keep a detailed diary of every incident.
- Record the date, time, and location.
- Write down exactly what was said (quotes are powerful).
- Save every email and instant message.
- Send follow-up emails after verbal meetings: “Just to confirm our discussion, you asked me to do X…” This forces them to go on the record.
3. Minimize Contact
Do not try to “win” an argument with a gaslighter. They will simply deny the reality. Instead, limit your interactions. Keep communication professional, brief, and preferably written.
Resolving the Grievance
Once you have your evidence, you can take steps to resolve the issue.
If you feel safe doing so, you can assert a boundary: “I have a different recollection of that event.” However, if the behaviour continues, you must escalate it.
Report the behaviour to a manager or HR department. Present your documentation calmly and factually. Avoid getting drawn into emotional drama; let the evidence speak for itself.
Conclusion
Gaslighting is a serious issue that erodes workplace culture. You do not have to accept it. By recognizing the signs and keeping detailed records, you can expose the manipulation and protect your professional reputation.
Think You Are Being Gaslighted?
Jolasers provides independent Investigations to uncover the truth behind manipulation.
Telephone: 0418 101 164 (Stephen Oliver)
Common Questions
Is gaslighting considered bullying?
Yes. It is a psychological form of bullying. If it is repeated and creates a risk to health and safety, it is a workplace hazard.
How do I prove gaslighting?
Proof lies in patterns. A single lie is hard to prove, but a documented history of contradictions, missing emails, and false denials creates a compelling case.
Should I confront the gaslighter?
Be careful. Gaslighter’s often deny everything and may accuse you of being the aggressor. It is usually safer to report it to HR with evidence.